I have been delivering pizzas for over five years now. And in that time I have seen some incredibly bizarre people. From the bored teenagers wearing towels on their heads pretending to be Muslim terrorists, to college kids wanting to play me in a game of beer pong (with the loser having to pay for the pizzas).
So after over five years on the job, I thought I could safely say that I had seen in all. That there was nothing else that could not only shock me, but also leave me literally speechless.
Boy was I wrong.
Usually the strange deliveries happen late at night on the weekends. Seeing as it was midafternoon and on a Wednesday I was expecting a pretty normal delivery run.
As I was making my way up the stone steps I glanced at the delivery ticket to make sure I was at the right house and noticed that a lady placed the order. I knocked on the screen door and the first thought that entered my mind as a figure slowly emerged from the shadows was, “Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof!”
It looked like a trailer park version of Pippi Longstocking answered the door. It wasn’t until they finally opened the door did I finally realize Miss Longstocking was actually, Mr. Longstocking.
Mr. Longstocking was fully committed in his drag attire, wearing frayed cut-off shorts that left very little for the imagination and a gray tank top, which made his bra straps visible. And yes, he stuffed his bra. And no, I did not ask with what.
And to top it all off, he braided his red hair into two braids that almost rested nicely on each of his shoulders.
After my brain was able to process all the information it was given I did not know how to react. I probably looked more ridiculous than the customer with my mouth hanging open trying to tell him his total. It was shortly after he realized he didn’t have enough money to pay me that I couldn’t control my laughter anymore.
“Hey, girls,” he screamed out very girly, but with attitude. “I need more money.”
I could no longer talk I was laughing so hard. Mr. Longstocking fully committed to his character and I was completely entertained by his antics.
It wasn’t until I turned to walk back to my car when I noticed several neighbors were also enjoying the show. Adults sitting on the hoods of their cars were laughing as much at me as I was at Mr. Longstocking after waiting patiently for my arrival.
“I bet you see crazy stuff like that all the time. Don’t you,” said one of the onlookers.
I thought I had seen it all. And I was obviously wrong. It’s the truly bizarre customers that are the highlight of my job and I look forward to sharing all my weird and interesting moments with you all.